I’m asked lately why I’m still writing. My answer is, “it’s what I do. I’m a writer.” For me, not writing is like not breathing. Something occurs to me, and my mind and heart conspire to create the words that come out on paper. It’s just what I do and it’s who I am.
Then I’m asked the question, “How can you write and speak so openly about your death?” That’s a different question with a different answer. I write openly about my upcoming death in hopes of helping others deal with the inevitable. We are all going to die, and I don’t believe death is something to be feared, but even welcomed.
Then there are those who are left behind and there will be grief, but I also hope to help my loved ones joyfully celebrate with me as I pass.
Then of course there are ‘Death and Taxes.’ I’ve been too sick to properly deal with my taxes, and I’m currently on an extension. I think it’s weird that in my last days, I’m more concerned about the IRS than dying. I understand they can’t chase me into heaven, but they can pursue my family. A simple flat tax could solve it all but that won’t happen in my lifetime. And besides, it would end an entire unnecessary industry, so this week is “tax week.”
What’s so interesting about dying? First and foremost, it’s what we don’t know that stirs the mind …
We are glued to stories about near death experiences (NDE’s are highly debated, by the way), only because we all want to know what it will be like when we ourselves die. As consumers, we are obsessed with reviews before eating at a restaurant or purchasing a product. There is no “Yelp” for death. We read reviews because we want to know if the purchase is worth it, and we want to know what it would be like to have said product. But when it comes to death, we don’t really get to read reviews. We also don’t get a choice. We will all die, and no one really knows exactly what to expect. I won’t know how it will be experienced, but I do trust in the heavenly promise. I do trust God is and will be present every breathing moment.
I find it fascinating, the small daily changes in my body. I’m not really experiencing much pain. My lungs become a little more congested daily. I see my family slowly coming to terms with the impending reality, which is what I hope for. I’m told my kidney and liver function is weakening. Death may not come easy but easier is always better.
I still have not given up. I serve the Great Physician … my God of Miracles and Wonders. I do not understand His plan, but I’m confident that whatever it is, it serves the greater good. As much as I’d prefer to live, I submit my life to His will.
My greatest prayer is not for me, but for my family. I know there will be grief even though I pray for joy. Where there will be sadness, I pray for celebration of a happy life. The best I can hope for is an understanding that those I love are still loved and know and pray that I carry my concern as an eternal devotion to them with me to the grave.
And finally, I pray the words to this old country and western song over all those whom I love and love me in return …
“Will the circle be unbroken, by and by lord by and bye? There’s a better home there waiting in the sky lord in the sky.”
Yes, I believe with all my heart that I will soon return to my eternal home, prepared for me by my Lord and Savior where I’ll spend eternity with my loved ones surrounded by peace and joy.
May God bless you all.